Things that Ping your Pain-body aka the Unconscious Thoughts that Trigger Us

 

The real culprit lies not in the external pinging but rather that the root cause of the pain was never really dealt with.  I want to make it clear that the root cause of the suffering described in the previous example was not due to past relationships and all the times that you felt ignored. But instead, when our pain-body is pinged, the neurological pathway stimulated goes directly to the amygdala portion of our brain.  This pathway becomes the automatic default pathway when it comes to what triggers us most.

 

The real challenge at hand is learning ways in which to self-sooth when getting triggered and before the painful experience becomes an amygdala hijack. The work is to identify, learn, and consistently practice ways to change the default neurological pathway; that is from going directly to the amygdala to instead going directly to the executive functioning of our brains.

 

This is a very difficult task to accomplish on your own in the beginning because “old habits die hard,” and these habits become part of our wiring.

 

Examples of some of the things that trigger different people:

    Feeling judged or criticized

    Not being seen, heard and or understood

    Being told what to do, think or feel

    Feeling that someone important to you doesn’t care

    Feeling left out

    Feeling unsafe or mistrustful

    Having health, well-being issues

    Fearing that you don’t have enough resources to survive

    Feeling trapped and you have no other options

 

Examples of some automatic reactivity /behavior are:

    Getting testy and defensive

    Negatively projecting on another and being paranoid

    Blaming, shaming and guilting oneself or another

    Shouting, bellowing and getting histrionic

    Blurting out hurtful words

    Speaking in absolutes (i.e., “you always or you never”)

    Withdrawing, cutting off and stonewalling others

    Punishing another by shaming, sermonizing or withholding of some love, affection, communication, intimacy or resources

    Etc.

 

 

Some people ask me how long this rewiring process will take?

 

There is no one answer to this question. With consistent practice and the right coach or therapist, this rewiring process becomes more comfortable over time. And one day, a situation comes up that would have generally in the past triggered you, and it doesn’t. At that moment, you become unrecognizable to yourself and experience a victory over your history.

 

I can’t emphasize enough that consistency is critical to change. Doing things intermittently creates more inertia, and eventually, one becomes resigned to the fact that change is even possible.

 

I also want to stress that we can never really rid ourselves of old habits and patterns that don’t serve us, but we can create new ones that become the new default ways of being.

 

*A little side note: according to Dr. Steven Stosny, the latest research has shown it takes at least ten months of consistent daily practice to create a new and permanent pathway. Personally and professionally, I found this to be true.

 

“Remember, the only way out is through.”

            Anonymous

 

If you are interested in this journey, please feel free to contact me and see if we are a match.

 

Below you can take advantage of my complimentary 15-minute consultation.

 

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